Roots and Wings of a Relationship

I was watching the movie, Sweet Home Alabama, and I really liked this phrase – “You can have roots and wings …” Here’s the dialogue from the movie –

Jake – You looked like you were having fun out there tonight. 

Melanie – I’m happy in New York, Jake. But then I come down here and… this fits, too. 

Jake: Since when does it have to be one or the other? You can have roots and wings, Mel.

So true! You don’t need to sever your roots to get your dreams fulfilled. You can have both.

I started thinking about it in terms of a relationship and that’s how I got inspired to write this article.

I believe that a relationship needs two things to thrive – ROOTS and WINGS. If either one is absent, the relationship will flounder.

Roots represent the foundation of a relationship. It keeps the relationship strong. The important ingredients for healthy roots are – Respect, Commitment & Communication in the relationship.

‘Wings’ is the ability to trust your partner and support them in achieving their goals. It does not, however, imply being selfish and fulfilling only your needs.

The wings will become directionless without roots.

And roots will be suffocating without wings.

If a person restricts you in every sphere, does not let you fulfill your goals/dreams then the roots can die.

Strengthen the roots and wings of your relationship with tapping.

ROOTS – Respect, Commitment & Communication

The romantic candle light dinners may help but the factors that make the roots stronger are: Respect for your spouse; Commitment; and having CLEAR communication channels with him/her.

Respect for each other – Respect comes from within.  If your spouse intentionally or unintentionally lands up hurting you by disrespecting you, address it immediately. This can have a snowball effect later on. You will feel guilt and anger towards yourself for tolerating disrespect.

Tap on the inherent flaws in the communication patterns  – Are you reacting every time your spouse does something that you don’t like? Take a pause, breathe in and out, TAP, then approach your spouse – it will be a far clearer communication than before. I’m not against emotional, right-brained communication; they are very good for showing the love that you have for each other. On the other hand, non-reactive, less emotional, more left – brained communications are better when you want to discuss something that has upset, hurt or angered you. Tapping can really help here.

One key point to remember is that usually women have a habit of flitting from topic to topic when they become upset (naming all the things that went wrong) and men have a habit of sticking to one topic in a communication and getting upset when they see women changing topics!  If you both can sit down and sort this out, then it will really help. Help each other understand this basic difference (that is, if this is true for your relationship). Also, observing and understanding the unique structure of your relationship will help. What helps others may not help you. If you know that you have to start a conversation every time, as your spouse does not initiate conversations – talk about it and develop some rules for fighting! Keep tapping on fingertips while talking to ease the tension.

Remembering the Commitment – Tap and remember the beginning stages of your relationship – the love, the euphoria, all the drama…:) Remember the good times. Tap them in. It is similar to gratitude tapping.

Look at old photographs – Tap, relish and cherish the relationship.

WINGS – Trust and Dreams

Trust your spouse and honor the trust that is placed on you.

Be Aware but stay away from suspicion – Awareness and suspicion are different. When you are very suspicious, it can weaken the roots of the relationship. If you find something that disturbs you in your spouse’s behavior then communicate.

Supporting your spouse to fulfill his/her dreams – Support your spouse in his/her dreams. Of course, we do need to remember – we are talking about balance here and you need to find that unique balance in your relationship. Everything is context based. Isn’t it!

If you have had a conflicted, turbulent past relationship then tap on it… as it can still subconsciously affect you when you enter into a new relationship.


Tapping really helps in strengthening your relationship!


About Puja

I am a Counseling Psychologist, Certified EFT Practitioner & Accredited EFT master Trainer of Trainers with EFTi. In my 15+ years of experience, I have effectively used EFT and Counseling to help clients heal their emotional and physical problems.
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