How often do you overanalyze the reactions of other people? Lets suppose, You went to a party and after coming back all you could think of was “what did he/she think about me”? She was frowning at me! Was it my dress, the way I spoke, what I did, the way I sat etc… Or in the office when you spoke to your manager, he replied in a crisp tone and you immediately thought that, “He doesn’t like me”!
We are social beings and we interact with others all the time; in office, at home, in a party, at a gathering. Even if we don’t interact we are often in the presence of Others: in the bus, train, mall, theatre, restuarant, etc. And it can become very tedious if we analyze each and everything.
A social situation is very complicated. You as a participant have certain expectations, beliefs, attitudes about the situation and the people in that situation. The others present in that situation too have a set of beliefs attitudes, etc. And to top it all, the situation/environment/location where the participation happens, does influence you and others as well. So when there are so many variables, how can you assume that your predictions about others are accurate.
Now my point is – if there are so many variables present then how can we PREDICT what others think of us with so much of conviction. To think that the prediction may be accurate seems next to impossible .Yet we do it ALL the time and assume “our” predictions to be true. We predict what the others think of us…! Yes we do need to operate on the basis of what we think and what others may think, but at the same time if there is ambiguity, then we do need to take that into consideration as well.
“That woman was frowning at me”
Think of alternate reasons, apart from the usual ones you give to yourself. It could be that; she has a toothache, she has a perpetual frown, she frowns at everyone, she is thinking of a painful incident… there could be so many reasons for her frown but since she looked at me and frowned, I predicted that it was the way I behaved or looked or… I took it on myself.
Thats the way we think!
If you feel that you are predicting and hence analyzing everything a lot, take a break and tap on it. More often than not, the predictions are based on your own fears and doubts about yourself.
Here’s a script that will help.
Even though I think and analyze a lot after back coming from office about all the things that happened in the office, I accept the way I am.
Even though I worry a lot about what others will think when I go out, I deeply love and accept myself.
Even though I assume, predict, overanalyze others behaviors/actions a lot, I deeply love and accept myself and I would like to relax. Step back a little. I choose to take a deep breath and relax.
Even though this overanalysis may be because I am insecure, I Still deeply love and accept myself.