Aftermath of Divorce (Divorce Trauma Part 2)

After the divorce there is a complete restructuring of life. You can help this “restructuring” to occur more smoothly with EFT. Research shows that while some people benefit from divorce, others show a decrease in personal growth, depending on the context in which the divorce took place. But more or less everyone is affected emotionally. A woman undergoing domestic violence will feel differently about divorce than a man who has taken divorce because of his spouse cheating on him. The reasons for divorce vary and so do the emotions. However, in this article I have compiled a list of aspects that are commonly experienced. (To see the first part click here – Divorce Trauma Part 1 )

Shattering of the “Happy ever after” Dream

The “happily married forever” illusion shatters. We are brought up with strong beliefs about marriage. We believe that it is for a lifetime. This belief is shaken up after divorce.

Even though this forever/happily married dream has shattered, I want to accept and face the reality calmly.

Leaving the safety and comfort Zone

Stepping out of the comfort zone is very difficult. Even though the marriage may have been abusive, the comfort of the known and predictable is better than the fear of the unknown. Tackling this fear of unknown is very important.

Even though I fear the unknown, I love and accept myself.

Even though I am out of my safety net, I love and accept myself.

Regret

More often than not, regret is present. Looking back at the process may make you feel that it  was a wrong decision and regret follows. It helps to think that you did what you had to, at that time and it was the best choice under the available circumstances.

Even though I regret this decision, I still love and accept myself and forgive myself.

Fears

Feeling of rejection is tied with unworthiness. Non-deserving feeling is predominant. All these fears are present: Fear of forming new relationships; Distrust of men/women; Fear of making the same mistakes again; Fear of not finding someone.

Even though I feel unworthy, I still love and accept myself

Even though I feel angry, I still love and accept myself

Even though I feel I deserve this as a punishment, I still love and accept myself

Even though I do not deserve good partners, I still love and accept myself.

Loneliness

After divorce, loneliness can be very tough to deal with. Social interactions reduce as people keep asking about your marital status or you cannot bear to look at others in relationships. There is insecurity about future coupled with the desire to have a life partner again.

Even though I am lonely, I still love and accept myself

Even though I hate interacting with people, I still love and accept myself.

Dealing with change in Lifestyle & Income

There would be a lot of changes related to income and lifestyle. Non working women are worst hit. They are left in the lurch when they don’t get alimony.

Single parenting

Single parenting is very tough. Dealing with the day to day challenges requires daily tapping on the accumulative stress and anger. Tapping on your children will also help.

Shift in social Network

Common friends and family may drift apart. This is another contributing factor to loneliness.

Physical Symptoms

The psycho-somatic symptoms like headaches, appetite loss, insomnia may occur due to stress.

What can help

  • Social Support of friends and family is crucial.
  • Professional Assistance would help. Letting go of the past by doing EFT would help.
  • Analyzing your beliefs (writings on your walls and their sources) about divorce and what it means, would help in healing and growth. Answer this – What does Divorce signify to you?
  • Accepting the Process and Moving on is the healthiest approach.

Even though my divorce was terrible, I am willing to move on with the resolve to embrace life  with peace and calmness.

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About Puja

I am a Counseling Psychologist and a Certified EFT Practitioner. In my 12+ years of experience, I have effectively used EFT and Counseling to guide clients to heal their emotional and physical problems.
This entry was posted in EFT and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Aftermath of Divorce (Divorce Trauma Part 2)

  1. thedanbass says:

    “Stepping out of the comfort zone is very difficult. ” – I strongly agree with you. There are still some people who are in their late 40’s and 50’s who can’t seem to think outside the box which is sad. I hope that they’ll learn about Emotional Freedom Techniques

  2. Miranda says:

    Thank you for this post. I am in the process of a divorce and will continue using these statements and techniques.

  3. sokina says:

    I agree with your statements that children should never be made pawns in a divorce. It is truly important for parents to work together in order to create the healthiest environment possible during the trauma of divorce.Read more at: http://www.ramanagementgroupllc.org/ I am offering my book FREE on Kindle from December 4th through 7th. You can download your FREE copy here:http://www.ramanagementgroupllc.org/. You can also visit my website, http://www.ramanagementgroupllc.org/. I hope this holiday season your family will benefit from the strategies I have provided.Read more at: http://www.ramanagementgroupllc.org/

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